Texas’a donmeye karar verince hemen Bay Goode’un hangi okulda calistigini ogrenmeye calistim. Cunku senin Bay Goode’un ogretmenlik yaptigi okulda okumani ve dolayisiyla, o okula yakin bir yerde ev almayi istiyordum. Daha once Texas’ta yasarken, Bay Goode, Barlas’in ogretmeniydi. Inanilmaz derece kaliteli bir ogretmen olan Bay Goode artik o okulda degildi. Internet henuz yoktu. Ben de once Texas Eyaleti Egitim Bakanligina, sonra da Hurst/Euless/Bedford Okul yonetimine telefon edip bu mukemmel ogretmenin hangi okulda ders verdigini ogrenmeye calisirken, artik onun ogretmenlik yapmadigini, fakat yeni acilmis olan Meadow Creek ilkokulunda mudurluk yaptigini ogrendim.

1989’un Eylul ortasi Bedford’a indik, babanin sirketi bizi bir otele yerlestirdi. Otel rahatti ama iki cocukla bizim hemen bir eve cikmamiz hepimiz icin iyi olacakti. Geldigimizin ertesi gunu Meadow Creek’e yakin bir ev aramaya basladim. Sonunda birinde karar verdik ve gelisimizin ikinci haftasinda evimize tasindik. 3217 Rustic Woods Drive. Iyi bir mahallede, iki katli, kocaman agaclari olan buyuk bahceli bir evdi. Butun yatak odalari ve babanin calisma odasi ust kattaydi. Senin odanin duvarlarini laciverte boyadim, pencerenin etrafina sari koydum (Fenerbahce renkleri). Her renkten minik araba deseni olan bir kumastan perde diktim. Sen bu evi cok sevmistin. Bize,  buyuyunce kendinin bu evde oturacagini, bize de ayni sokakta kucuk bir ev alacagini soylerdin. Cok sevimli ve giriskendin.  Sokagimizda yasayan yasli-cocuk herkesle cok cabuk kaynastin. Birkac hafta icin de herkes seni, adini biliyordu. Seni hemen birkac aktiviteye kaydettirdik, futbol ve basketbol lie baslayarak. Ayni zamanda da haftada uc yarim gun olan oyun grubuna yazdirdik. Orada David Thompson ile tanistin ve birbirinden ayrilmayan iki arkadas oldunuz. David’in annesi ve ben sizi oyun grubu disinda da bir araya getirmenin iyi olacagini dusunduk ve biz de arkadas olduk. Hemen her gun, cogunlukla bizde, oynardiniz. Bazen  Theresa, David’in kizkardesi Melissa’yi da getirirdi ama siz onu oyunlariniza katmazdiniz.

Sen 4,5 yasindaydin ve ben acik mutfakta yemek pisiriyordum sen de televizyon seyrediyordun. Senin kanallari degistirdigini gorunce dikkat etmeye basladim. Genellikle dokuman gosteren reklamsiz ve bagislarla yasayan, cok kaliteli programlar yapan PBS’e getirdin ve son derece konsantre bir sekilde programi izlemeye basladin. Programin hedef kitlesi yetiskinlerdi ve erozyon hakkindaydi, nasil olur, etkenler ve sonuclar nedir,  nasil onlenir… Sonuna kadar izlemene izin verdim, tam bir saat kipirdamadan seyrettin. Sonra televizyonu kapattim ve programin ne hakkinda oldugunu sordum. Butun programi aynen anlattin. Cok etkilendim. Sekiz saat sonra baban geldiginde, acaba bu bilginin ne kadarini aklinda tutabildin diye merak ettigimden, babana bugun seyrettigin programi anlatmani istedim. Bana anlattigin sekilde, kelimesi kelimesine ayni hikayeyi ayni detaylarla ve dogru siralamada anlattigini duyunca nutkum tutuldu.

Cok mutlu ve enerji dolu bir cocuktun. Onune gelen herseyi dener, ilk denemede basarili olmazsan basarana kadar tekrar tekrar denerdin. Mutlu bir sekilde “Eger ilk denemede basaramazsan, tekrar dene!” derdin. Ve bikmadan denerdin.

Mutlulugunu ve kahkahalarini paylasmada cok comert olmana ragmen, uzuntunu kendine saklardin. Ornegin, Barlas yaramazlik ya da yanlis bir sey yaptiginda ona cok rahat bagirabilir ve azarlayabilirdim ve Barlas da bundan pek etkilenmezdi. Fakat sana ayni sekilde davranmaktan korkardim, cunku cok kucuk yaslarda bile, yanlis bir sey yaptiginda sessizce merdivenleri tirmanir, odana girer kapini kapardin. Gozyaslarini kimseye gostermezdin. Sana agabeyinden daha  yumusak davranmamizin sebebi buydu.

Noel geldiginde komsulara dagitmak icin hediyeler almami istedin. Ben de bir yigin kirazli cikolata paketleri aldim. Bugun gibi hatirliyorum. Kareli bermuda pantalon ve tshirt vardi uzerinde.elinde  cikolata kutulari dolu sepetle kapidan kapiya gidiyor, “Mutlu Noeller!” diye bagirip hediyeni veriyor, sepetin bosaldikca gelip dolduruyordun. Bu, sokaktaki bugun evlere birer kutu verene kadar devam etti.

Nisan geldiginde, oyun grubundan 23 Nisan Cocuk Bayraminin kutlanmasini istedik. Herkes, Amerikada alisilmisin tersine superkahraman degil, olmak istedikleri mesleklerin kiyafetlerini giyecekti. Birkac hafta once sana doktor seti almistim, bu yuzden olmali, sen de doktor kiyafeti giymek istedin. Sana doktor gomlegi ve kepi diktim. Boynundan sarkan steteskopla cok sevimliydin. Her cocuk sectikleri meslegi anlatacakti. Sira sana geldiginde “Kimsenin hasta olmasini istemiyorum. Herkesin saglikli ve mutlu olmasini istiyorum. Bu sebeple doktor olmak istiyorum.” dedin.

Sen 5 yasindayken, babanin calistigi Bell Helicopter’de aile gunu vardi, baban da seni goturmustu. Henuz Bell’in yeni ucagi V22 Osprey gelistirme safhasindaydi, his bir yerde fotografi dahi yayinlanmamisti. Belki bir iki dakika gorme sansin oldu bu yeni ucagi. Eve geldiginizde baban o ucagin resmini cizmeni istedi. Neticeye inanamadik. En ufak detaylarina kadar,  bir cocugun dikkat etmeyecegi detaylar da dahil olmak uzere, cizmistin. Fotografik bir hafizan oldugu kesindi. Baban o resmi emekli olana kadar odasinin duvarinda asili tuttu.

Texasli olmayi seviyordun. Ilk Irak savasi sirasinda televizyonda CNN haberlerini izliyorduk ve Texas’tan boluklerin Irak’a gonderilecegini duyduk. Sen, buyuk bir heyecanla ve tipik Texasli duygulariyla “Evet! Simdi AMERIKALILARA nasil savasilacagini gosterecegiz!” dedin.

Suda oynamayi cok seviyordun. Banyoyu doldururdum, sen de saatlerce oynardin orada. “Anne, bak, yuzuyorum!” derdin. Bahar gelip de hava isinmaya baslayinca, agbinin ve senin baskalarinin havuzlarina gidip, islak zeminlerde diger butun cocuklar gibi kosup oynayacaginizdan, belki ayaklarinizin kayip dusup bir yerinizi kiracaginizdan, ya da suda yapilan tehlikeli oyunlardan basiniza birseyler gelebileceginden cok korkmaya basladim. Buyuklerin her zaman kontrolda oldugundan emin degildim ve kimsenin benim cocuklarima benim kadar dikkat etmeyecegini dusunuyordum. Bu sebeple arka bahcede bir havuz yaptirmaya karar verdik. Cok buyuk bir havuz. Sen o havuzu cok sevdin. Dogru durust yuzmeyi henuz bilmiyordun fakat kendini tramplenden atar, dogrudan 3 metre derinlikteki kismin dibine iner, 5 metre kadar dipten gidip su yuzune cikar, kopekleme yuzerek havuzdan cikar, derhal tekrar tramplene gider, bikmadan usanmadan tekrarlardin. Kalbim hep agizimdaydi, her an, tehlikeye girdigin ani yakalamak ve derhal suya atlayip seni kurtarmak icin gozlerimi ayirmazdim senden. Cogunlukla  David de seninle beraberdi. Havuz faslindan sonra yemeklerinizi yer, iceride oynamaya devam ederdiniz. Bazen David’in annesi Theresa da kiziyla beraber gelirdi.  Melissa havuzda kendisini Ariel olarak gorurdu ve bunu ikiniz de cok komik bulurdunuz

Anaokulu Agustos’un ortasinda basladi, ogretmenin cok guzel ve anlayisli genc bir kadindi. O sene, butun Amerika’da oldugu gibi, sizlere bir yigin testler yapildi ve senin cok yuksek, 140 IQ’ye sahip oldugun, ayrica Turkiye’de “ustun” denilen, Amerika’da ustun ve yetenekli denilen gruptan oldugun, bu sebeple o grup icin hazirlanmis ozel egitime hak kazandigin ortaya cikti. Sene sonuna dogru bizi okula cagirdilar ve bircok alanda cok ustun olmana ragmen buyuk motor yeteneklerinin yeterince gelismemis oldugunu soylediler. El ve goz koordinasyonun zayifti ve “c” ve “t” harflerinden once gelen “s” harfini soyleyemiyordun, bunun icin de gunde bir saat konusma terapisi alman gerekiyordu.  Bunlarin gelismesi icin zamana ihtiyacin oldugunu, bu sebeple  yeni acilmis bulunan “Kopru” sinifina gitmene izin verip vermeyecegimiz soruldu. Biz bunu buyuk bir sevincle karsiladik. O Kopru senesi sana cok faydali oldu. Kopru ogretmenin Bayan Ward mukemmel bir ogretmendi ve sen onun anlayisli ve dikkatli egitimiyle cok gelistin.

Birinci siniftaydin. bir gun, okul sonrasi odanda zaman gecirdikten sonra elinde bir kagitla geldin ve “Anne, sana bir siir yazdim” dedin. Kagit bastan sona kargacik burgacik harflerle doluydu ve okumak mumkun degildi. Sadece sessiz harflerle doluydu, bir tek sesli harf yoktu. Ne diyecegimi bilemedim. Sonra gozlerimin agridigini, okuyamayacagimi, sen okursan mutlu olacagimi soyledim ve gizlice kayit makinasininin tusuna bastim. Sen okudun. Cok guzel bir siirdi. Fakat, belki okur gibi yapip kafadan salliyorsundur diye dusundum. Aksam baban gelince, siiri babana da okumani istedim. Kayit ettigim bu siiri kelimesi kelimesine aynen okudun. O zaman senin ustun sinifin el kitabini hatirladim. Bu kitabin ilk sayfasinda, bu tip cocuklarin ortak ozellikleri listelenmisti ve sesli harf kullanmamak bunlardan biriydi.

O yil okulda 23 Nisan Cocuk Bayramini kutlamak istedin ve Bay Goode kabul etti. Bay Goode mukemmel bir okul muduruydu. Her sabah ogrencileri okulun onunde karsilar, dizlerini buker, her cocukla goz hizasina gelip, elini sikar ve nasil oldugunu sorardi. O sabah sen benim arabamdan indiginde kollarinin ustunde dogru katlanmis bir Turk bayragi vardi. Bay Goode seni her zaman oldugu gibi karsiladi ve aranizda soyle bir konusma gecti;
Bay Goode: Gunaydin Bora, cok iyi gozukuyorsun. Ne tasiyorsun?
Bora: Turk bayragi, efendim.
Bay Goode: Gercekten mi? Bakmama izin verecek misin?
Bora: Elbette. Fakat kollarini benim gibi uzatman lazim ki uzerine yerlestireyim.  Turk bayraginin belinin hizasindan asagiya inmemesine dikkat gostermelisin, efendim.
Bay Goode: O neden Bora?
Bora: Eger belinin altina inerse saygisizlik olur, efendim.
Bay Goode: Aha, Simdi anladim. O halde gel, ogretmenler odasina gidip oradaki masanin ustune yayip bakalim. Bu olur mu?
Bora: Bu cok iyi olur. Fakat acarken nasil katlandigina dikkat et ki daha sonra ayni sekilde katlayabil.
Bay Goode buna dikkat edecegini soyledi ve birlikte ogretmenler odasina, Turk bayragini gormeye gittiniz.

Montreal’de yasarken ritimle ogrettiklerimi cok daha kolay ve kalici sekilde ogrendigini farketmistim. Ornegin, guvenlik calismalarimizda, sana ev adresimizi, ev ve babanin ofis telefon numaralarini ogretmem gerekiyordu. Bu bilgileri iceren bir sarki gibi bir sey yaptim, ikimiz bu sarkiyi soyler ve soylerken de ritimle dans ederdik.  Cabucacik, kolaylikla ogrenirdin. Okulda kelimelerini ogrenmeye baslayinca bu metod ise yaradi. Kanapenin, masanin, koltuklarin etrafinda kosar,  kelimelerin, harflerin ritimine dans ederdin. Bu cok eglenceliydi ve kolaylikla ogrenirdin.

Gunun ilk yarisini normal sinifta yarisini da yetenekli sinifinda gecirirdin. Ogretilenler hic bir zaman sana yetmiyordu. Konu neyse o konuyla ilgili her seyi en ufak detayina kadar ogrenmek, o konuda bilinen her seyi bilmek istiyordun ve bu durum, senin gibi cocuklara egitim verebilmek icin iki sene fazladan ozel egitim almis olan ogretmenlerini zorluyordu. Ornegin, dinazorlar konusu.. Ogretmenin beni aradi ve senin sorularina cevap verebilmek icin her aksam eve gittiginde ders calistigini soyledi. Konu, sen ogrenmek istedigin kadar ogrenip daha ogrenilecek bir sey kalmayana kadar kapanmazdi. Bu ogretmenler muhtesemdi. Hic bir zaman sen yeter diyene kadar yeter demediler. Bu ogrenmek icin duydugun susuzluk butun yasamin boyunca devam etti. Notlara hic bir zaman onem vermedin, Sadece ogrenmek istedin… Ogrenilebilecek her seyi ogrenmek…

Ucuncu sinifta normal sinif ogretmenini pek sevmedin ama sikayet de etmedin. O gune kadar… O gun eve geldiginde seni rahatsiz eden bir sey oldugu belliydi. Ogretmen bize vermen icin bir zarf vermisti. Actim. Yazdigi notta senin ogrenme zorlugu cektigin bu sebeple okul psikologundan yardim alman gerektigi ve buna izin vermemiz icin de ekteki formu imzalamamizi istiyordu.  Saka gibiydi. Sorunun ne oldugunu anlamak icin ve senin bu sorun hakkindaki dusuncelerinin ne oldugunu ogrenmek icin sana sorular sormaya basladim. Bir muddet sessiz kaldin, sonra gozlerime derin fakat huzursuz gozlerle bakip “Anne! O benim hayal gucumu olduruyor!” dedin. Ertesi gun ogretmenle konusmak icin okula gittim. Ona, bizim ogrettigimiz herseyi cok cabuk ogrendigini, butun eski ogretmenlerinin senden ve ogrenme hizindan son derece memnun oldugunu soyledim ve ona sende ogrenme zorlugu oldugunu dusunmesinin sebeplerini sordum.  Koyu Texas aksaniyla konusan bu kadin, o ders anlatirken onun gozlerinin icine bakmadigini, aksine kagidinda resimler yaptigini, onu kaale almadigini soyledi. Peki, anlattiklarinizi size tekrar etmesini sordunuz mu? dedim, hayir dedi. Ustun ve Yetenekli cocuklar icin hazirlanmis el kitabini okuyup okumadigini sordum, evet dedi. Ben de “yalan soyluyorsun, asil senin bir psikolojik  yardimina ihtiyacin var” dedim. Dogru yeni mudurun odasina gittim. Kadinin onca Teksasli cocuk dururken senin ustun egitim almandan rahatsiz olan bir irkci oldugu kesindi. Fakat mudur ogretmeni savundu. Mudurden ertesi gune, senin butun eski yeni butun ogretmenlerinin katilacagi bir toplanti hazirlamasini istedim. Ertesi gun babanla birlikte bu toplantiya gittik. Mudur hemen ogretmeni savunmaya basladi. Derhal sozunu kestik ve senin diger ogretmenlerine sende herhangi bir ogrenme zorlugu oldugunu fark edip etmediklerini sorduk. Bayan Ward senin bir sunger gibi oldugunu, bilgiyi verdikce daha cok istedigini soyledi. Senin  gelmis gecmis butun matematik, ingilizce, tarih, bilim, sosyal bilim ogretmenlerin senin bir “ogrenme makinasi” oldugunu soylediler. Hatta bir tanesi “Saka mi yapiyorsunuz? Ben Bora’nin sorularina akillica cevap verebilmek icin her aksam eve gidip ders calisiyorum” dedi. Fakat mudur hala ogretmenini korumaya calisiyordu, biz de daha uzatmanin manasiz oldugunu, ogretmenini bir psikologa gondermesi gerektigini soyleyip toplantiyi terk ettik. Baban ise gitti ben de eve. Bay Goode baska bir okul yonetim bolgesinde baskanlik yapiyordu. Ona telefon edip durumu anlattim, cok uzuldu. Bizim okul bolgesi yonetimi baskan yardimcisinin ismini ve telefonunu verip onu aramami salik verdi. Kadini aradim ve durumu anlattim. Senin “Anne, benim hayal gucumu olduruyor!” sozunu soyledigimde, kadin aglamaya basladi. Okul sisteminde boyle bir ogretmen oldugu icin cok uzuldugunu, mudurun de isini dogru durust yapmadigini soyleyip ozur diledi ve konuyu ona birakmami, halledecegini soyledi. Ertesi gun, sen bir baska zarfla eve geldin. Mudurden geliyordu ve icinde kendisinin yanlis anlasildigini, senin o okulda ogrenci olmandan cok buyuk onur  duyduklarini yaziyor ve bizden ozur diliyordu. Ertesi sabah sen okula giderken bu sefer benden mudure bir zarf tasidin. Mudure, bize yaptigi saygisizlik icin diledigi ozuru kabul ettigimizi, fakat asil saygisizligin sana sinif icinde tum ogrencilerin onunde ogretmen tarafindan yapildigini, bu sebeple ayni ogretmenin ayni sinifta ve tum cocuklarin onunde senden ozur dilemesi gerektigini ve bunun mutlaka yapilmasini bekledigimi yazdim. O gun ogleden sonra geldiginde, ogretmenin sinifin onunde senden ozur diledigini soyledin. Daima arkandaydik oglum. O ogretmenin kontrati bir daha yenilenmedi.

Sene sonunda yapilan torenlerde ogrencilere cesitli konularda odul sertifikalari verirlerdi. Hic unutmam, bir torende, herkes kameralar, ciceklerle gelmis odul alan cocuklarini kaydetmek icin bekliyorlardi. Her sahneye cagirilan odulunu aliyor, ailesi videoya cekiyor, alkislaniyordu. Odul alan cocuklardan bazilari en fazla uc odul almisti. Senin ismin anons edildiginde sahneye ciktin, odulunu aldin, kivirdin, cebine soktun, sahneden indin. Ismin tekrar anons edildi, tekrar ciktin, tekrar odulunu aldin, tekrar kivirdin ve cebine soktun. Tam alti kere bu tekrarlandi. Herkes cilginca alkisliyordu fakat sen bu kadar odulu almayi son derece normal birseymis gibi karsiladin. Hic simarmadin. Senin dusuncene gore o senin isindi ve yapman gerekeni yapmistin, bunun icin odullendirilmek sana gore gereksizdi.

Bir baska Turk aileyle tanistik. Senel ve Necdet Yildirimer. Onlarin da senin yaslarinda bir ogullari vardi, Onurcan. Onurcan ve sen cok cabuk cok yakin arkadas oldunuz, birbirinizle olmaktan hoslaniyor, ya onlarin ya bizim evde oynuyordunuz. David Thompson lie olan arkadasliginiz gibi, Onurcan ile olan arkadasliginiz da hic kesintiye ugramadi. Baska sehirlerde, baska okullarda okumaniza ragmen bu arkadasliklar yakin ve yalinkat olarak devam etti. Onurcan Mallory ile evlenmeye karar verdiginde, sen onun sagdici olacaktin, fakat biz Turkiye’ye tasininca malesef dugunu cok uzulerek kacirdin. Daima birbirinizi korudunuz, arka ciktiniz, destek oldunuz. Turkiye’ye tasinirken en kiymetli esyan olan kocaman televizyonunu Onurcan’a hediye ettin.

Araba ile yapilan seyahatleri seviyorduk ve butun Amerika’yi, Dallas’i merkez alip Pasifik’ten Atlantik’e butun Amerikayi defalarca dolastik. Baban ve ben sizsiz hic tatil yapmadik, nereye gidersek beraber gittik ve hepimiz de bundan zevk aldik. Size, biz gittigimiz zaman icin hatiralar yapiyorduk, bilemezdik ki o hatiralar bizim icin olacakti. Arabada bitmez tukenmez sarkilari bagira bagira soyler, ya da birsey gozluyorum oyunu gibi oyunlar oynardik. Raflardan dusup kirilan kac bira sisesi saydik o sarkilarla bilmiyorum… Ya tekrar tekrar baska donen Damdan dustu bir kurbaga kuyrugunu titretti sarkisi… Sesimiz kisilana, yorulana kadar devam ettirirdik. Size bazi Turkce sarkilar ogretmeye calisirdik yolda. “Sen ne guzel bulursun/Gezsen Anadoluyu” adli sarkiyi hatirliyor musun? Barlas sarkiyi soyler sen de nakarat kismini soylerdin.

Sen rutinini seven bir cocuktun. Yasadigin yeri sever, cevreni degistirmekten hoslanmazdin. Ilkokulu bitirdiginde baban ve ben evi satip, moda bir yer olan Southlake’te daha buyuk daha iyi bir ev almayi dusunmeye basladik. Cok begendigimiz, tam istedigimiz gibi bir ev bulduk. Fakat sen bu yer degistirme konusundan hic hoslanmadin. Bedford evini, ayni okula giden, ve daha sonra ayni ortaokula ayni liseye gidecek olan arkadaslarini sevdigini, onlari terk etmek istemedigini soyledin. Boylece, biz Southlake planlarimizdan vazgectik, sen liseyi bitirip Universite icin College Station’a tasinana kadar Bedford’da yasadik.

Ortaokulu Hurst Junior High’da, liseyi de Trinity High’da okudun. Orada IB programi a secildin. HJH’de futbol oynadin ve saksafon calmaya basladin. Daha once seni junior college’de piano derslerine gondermistim ama pek hoslanmamistin pianodan. Saksafonu sevdin, biz de sana kendi saksafonunu aldik. Lisede yetenekli sinifinda olmaya devam ettin ama international baccalaureate programina secilince orada devam ettin ve secilmis 62 ogrenciden mezun olabilen 19 ogrenciden biri oldun. Ayni zamanda okul bandosunda saksafon caliyor ve futbol oynuyordun. Futbol oynadigin icin, oyun sirasinda gosteri yapan yuruyus bandosunda yer almadin, konserler veren orkestrada caldin. Konserlerde cok heyecanlanirdim, sadece seni gorur seni dinlerdim. Futbol maclarinda ise korkudan kalbim sikisirdi, ya bir kemigin kirilirsa diye. Lisede mentorun sanat ogretmenin olan Bayan Carolyn Allen’di. Onun destegiyle cok guzel resimler yaptin. Sen onu cok sevdin. Cok iyi bir kadin ve basarili bir ressam olan Bayan Allen, istedigin zaman kullanman icin evindeki kendi studyosunu acmisti ve daima seni daha da iyi olman icin destekliyordu. Basarili ogrencilerinin eserlerinin sergilenecegi bir resim ve heykel sergisi duzenledi. Senin heykellerinden biri okuldaki seramik firinina giremeyecek kadar buyuk devasa bir seydi. Bayan Allen bunu kendi vasitasiyla Dallas’taki bir ticari firina goturup pismesini sagladi. Bir baska heykelin ise tasinirken bile dikkatle paketledigim bir eserdi. Kendi yuzunun kalibini cikarip yuzunu yapmis,  kirik kalip parcalarini da platformun etrafina koymus, onune de mavi bir maske koymustun. Bu eserinin ismi “Kalip kirildi ama ben hala maskenin ardindayim” idi. Eserlerinin hepsi kritiklerce cok begenilmisti. O monster heykel haric hepsini sakliyorum. Bayan Allen’in sergiyi gezmeye gelen bir akademisyenle konustuklarini duydum. Diyordu ki “Diger butun hepsi sadece resim. Fakat Bora gercek bir artist… Cok yaratici ve o son etapa gelinceye, son firca darbesini vurana kadar resmin ne oldugu hakkinda herhangi bir fikrim yok…. Ne oldugunu resim bitene kadar sadece Bora biliyor..”

Yasadigimiz yerde toplu tasimacilik yoktu ve eger okul ile yasadigin ev arasinda iki milden kisa mesafe versa okul otobusunu kullanamiyordun. Zaten butun cocuklar da 16 yasina gelip enliyet  ve araba sahibi olacaklari gunu sabirsizlikla beklerlerdi. 15 yasindayken okulda araba kullanma ve trafik dersleri , 16 yasinda da ehliyetini aldin, fakat araba sahibi olmak icin hic acelen yoktu. Ne zaman konuyu acsak bunun senin icin onemli olmadigini, okula yurumeyi tercih ettigini soyledin. Bazen ben seni okula goturup getirirdim ve sen bundan hic gocunmazdin. Lisede junior yilinda sana cok az kullanilmis, hemen hemen yeni bir araba aldik: Toyota Corolla. Sen bu arabayi universiteden mezun olana kadar kullandin. Daima resim malzemeleri, kitaplar, kiyafetler, spor malzemeleri, bos sise ve yiyecek paketleri copleri ile doluydu araban ve hic aldirmiyordun. Zaten derli topluluk konusuna, ya da bunlari goren baskasinin ne dusunecegine hic bir zaman onem vermemistin. Hayatta daha onemli seyler vardi senin icin. Bazen bizim israrlarimiza dayanamaz arabani temizlerdin fakat birkac gun icinde yine eski haline gelirdi araban.

Mezuniyetine tum ailemiz buyuk heyecanla katildi, fakat sen bu toreni gereksiz bulmus ve sikilmistin. Sana gore, sen yapman gerekeni yapmistin ve bu kadar heyecanlanmanin manasi neydi? Barlas o yaslarda yasinin geregi bir yigin olaylarla bizi ve kendi limitlerini cok zorlamisti. Fakat sen bizi hic zorlamadin.

SAT’de cok yuksek puan almana ragmen Guzel Sanatlara gitmek istedin. Fakat milyonlarca Guzel Sanatlar mezunu ac dolasiyor, garsonluk yaparak yasam savasi veriyordu ve bizim de gocmen oldugumuz bu ulkede biz gittikten sonra sana destek olacak bir yapilanmaya sahip degildik. Biz gittikten sonra da kendi ayaklarinin ustunde durabilecegin bir meslegin olmasi gerektigini dusunduk. Sanatini serbest zamaninda her zaman yapabilirdin.. Boylece baban ve ben seni Makina Muhendisligi okuman konusunda ikna etmeye calistik. Sonunda razi oldun ve Texas A&M universitesine muracat ettin ve Makina Muhendisligi bolumune kabul edildin. Bu, benim hayatimin en buyuk pismanligidir. Keske seni istedigini yapman konusunda serbest biraksaydik….

BACK IN BEDFORD, TEXAS

When we decided to go back to Texas, I tried to find where Mr Goode was teaching. Previously when in Texas, Barlas attended Hurst Hills Elementary and he had an amazing teacher, Mr. Goode. There was no internet yet.  Found out he was no longer there, I wrote to Texas State to find out where he was teaching because I wanted you to go where he was teaching. Finally learned that he was the principal at a new elementary school, Meadow Creek.

We arrived in Bedford in the middle of September 1989, your dad’s company placed us in a hotel. The day after of our arrival I started to look for a house, close to Meadow Creek. We finally decided on one and bought and moved in within two weeks of our arrival. 3217 Rustic Woods Drive.  It was in a nice neighbourhood, two storey house with a large backyard with mature trees. All our bedrooms and dad’s study were upstairs. I painted your walls navy and yellow, Fenerbahce colors, made curtains from a fabric that had little colourful cars. You loved this house. You used to say, when you grow up you would stay in this house and buy us a little one down the street. You were very friendly and talkative, made friends with everybody on the street, young and adult. In just couple of weeks, everybody knew you by name.  Immediately we enrolled you in several activities, started with soccer, basketball.. And also a playgroup. There you became friends with David Thompson, you two were inseparable. David’s mom and I decided to bring you two together outside the playgroup as well, so we became friends too.
Almost every day you were together mostly in our house. Sometimes David’s sister Melissa would come too, but you two wouldn’t include her in your games.

You were 4,5 years old, and one morning you were watching television as I was cooking in the kitchen. I noticed  you changed channels, and put the PBS on and suddenly were in full concentration. The program was about erosion, how it happened, causes, consequences and how to prevent. A program that was prepared for adults. I let you watch it until ended, for a full hour. Afterward I asked you what was the program about. You gave me a full narrative in verbatim. I was amazed. When the evening came, eight hours later, your dad came home, I asked you to tell dad about the erosion. I was speechless when I heard you repeat it word by word in proper sequence.

You were a very happy child, full of energy. You would try anything that came your way. If you didn’t succeed at first you would try again and again until you perfected it. You would say cheerfully “If not succeed at first try, try again!” And you would.

Although you were quite generous sharing your joy and laughter, you were very private in your sadness. For example, I would yell and scold Barlas when he was naughty and he would take it in stride. However, I was scared of doing the same to you since I noticed, even at a very young age, when you were naughty or done something wrong you would quietly climb the stairs go to your room and close the door. You wouldn’t show your tears. That was the reason we were more gentle towards you than we were to your brother.

Christmas came and you asked me to fill a basket with gifts for the neighbours, so I bought tons of cherry chocolates. I remember as if it was today. You were wearing checkered shorts, shirt, boxes of chocolates filled basket in your hand, going door to door, yelling “Merry Christmas!” You came back again and again, filled your basket and continued doing so until every house on our street had a box of chocolate.

When April came we asked to celebrate Children’s Day at the playgroup. Everyone was going to dress up as not superheroes, but in uniforms of the professions they want to be when they grow up. A few weeks back we bought you a toy doctor set, and you wanted to dress up as a doctor. I made a doctors coverall and cap for you. With stethoscope around your neck you looked so cute! Every child had turn to explain what the profession was about. When it was your turn you sat at that chair, explained what doctors do and said “I don’t want anybody get sick, I want everybody to be happy and healthy. That is why I want to be a doctor.”

When you were 5,  there was a family day at Bell Helicopter and dad took you to show where he was working. The Osprey V22, was still in development stage and only few outsider had seen it. There was no photograph or picture published. You had a chance to see it for a few minutes only during that visit. When home, dad asked you to draw a picture of Osprey V22. You had a photographic memory. You drew it in amazing details. Dad kept that picture on his office wall until the day he retired.

You loved being a Texan. One day the TV was on CNN. It was the first Iraq war time and the news came on that troops from Texas were going to be deployed. You yelled: “Yes! Now we are going to show those AMERICANS how to fight!” True Texan sentiments.

You loved playing in water. I used to fill the bathtub and you would spend hours there, yelling “mummy, look, I am wimming!” As spring came the weather started to warm up and I was scared that you and your brother would go to other people’s pools and as all children do, you would run around the wet decks, horseplay and may hurt yourselves. Adult supervision was important and I wasn’t sure there would be any. So, we decided to have a pool built in our backyard and be in control ourselves. It was a rather large pool. You loved that pool. You didn’t know how to swim properly yet, but you would throw yourself of the diving board at the deep end, go straight down and swim at the bottom. When you come up on the surface you would doggyswim to the deck and do it all over again. My heart was always in my mouth, I was ready to dive in the second I thought you were in danger. David was there with you almost every day. I would feed you, then you would continue your games of imagination inside. Sometimes David’s mom Theresa would stay on with her daughter Melissa. Melissa would pretend she was Ariel, and both of you would think that was hilarious.

Kindergarten started in the middle of August, your teacher was a beautiful and kind young lady.  During that kindergarten year, they did tons of tests, and you were found to have a very high IQ scoring 140, and gifted and talented, therefore selected for G&T education. Towards the end of the year, we were called to school and told that although you were exceptional in many areas, your gross motor skills were not developed enough, you had eye and hand coordination problems, and you needed to go to in house speech therapist to correct some speech problems such as not giving voice to “s” if it was coming before “c” or “t”. We knew of these problems and working on them as lay persons but we’re not getting anywhere. So when they asked if we would consider sending you to the newly formed Bridge class before sending you to the 1st grade, we welcomed the idea enthusiastically. That year made a lot of difference. Your Bridge teacher Mrs Ward, was a wonderful teacher, you’ve flourished with her careful teaching and caring.

You were in first grade. One day, after spending sometime in your room, you came to me with a paper in your hand and said “Mom, I wrote a poem for you,” it was a full page of letters consonants. Not a single vowel! I didn’t know what to say so I told you that my eyes were hurting could you read it for me and I pressed the record button of my tape recorder… So you’ve read. A beautiful poem. But I thought you might be making it up as you went along. In the evening, I asked you to read the poem to dad. You read exactly the same poem I recorded. Then I remembered the Gifted & Talented handbook. Right in front of the book there was a list of common traits of G&T children and not using vowels were one of them.

That year you asked if we could celebrate Children’s Day at school and Mr Goode accepted. Mr Good was a wonderful principal, every morning he would greet each student in front of the school, stooping on their level, making eye contact, shaking their hands, and asking how they were. That day, when you got off my car, you were holding neatly folded Turkish flag on your extended arms. Mr Goode greeted you as usual and the following conversation took place:
Mr Goode: good morning Bora, you look great. What is it that you are holding?
Bora. The Turkish Flag, sir.
Mr Goode: Really? Will you let me see it?
Bora: Sure. But you have to extend your arms so I can place it on your arms. Make sure you don’t let Turkish Flag go below your waistline, sir.
Mr Goode: Why is that, Bora?
Bora: Because if it fell below your waistline it would be disrespectful, sir.
Mr Goode: oh, now I understand. Very well, let’s go to the teachers’ lounge and lay it on the table to see. Would that be alright ?
Bora: That would be perfect, sir. But when opening make sure you pay attention to how it is folded, so that you would fold it back in the same manner.
Mr Goode promised he would do that, and together you went to the teachers’ lounge to show off the Turkish Flag.

When we were in Montreal, I noticed that you would learn much faster and more permanently if you learned in in rhythm. For example, on our safety practices, I was teaching you our home address and telephone numbers. I made up a song out of those information and both of us would dance to that song’s rhythm, repeating the address and telephone numbers. You would learn fast and easy. When you were learning your words at school, that method came handy. You would run around the sofa, table, chairs, dancing to the sound of letters, spelling words. It was fun. You would learn in no time.

You would spend half day at your normal home room class and half day at G&T class. Curriculum was never enough. You wanted to learn anything and everything about the subject. You would ask questions that would frustrate any teacher. Your teacher would call me, for example if you were learning about dinosaurs, to let me know that she would go home and study dinasours every evening in order to answer your questions. The subject was never complete until you learned all there is to learn about it. The G&T teachers were wonderful, they never ever said enough until you said enough. That thirst for learning continued all your life. You never cared for grades, you only cared to learn… All there is to learn.

At the third grade, you didn’t like your home room teacher much but didn’t complain. Until one day. You came home, obviously troubled. Your teacher gave you an envelope to give to us. There she was saying that you had learning difficulty and you needed to see the school psychologist to help you with your problems. That was so unlike you. I started asking you questions to find out what was the problem as you saw it. You were quite for a while, then you looked deep into my eyes with very troubled eyes and said “Mom! She is killing my imagination!” The next day I went to school to talk to this teacher. I told her that you were learning everything we teach very fast, all your previous teachers were always extremely happy about your learning abilities. I asked her what made her think that she thought you had a learning disability. She was a thick accented Texan woman. She said when she was talking about a subject you were not looking at her face, you were ignoring her! I said did you ask him repeat what you taught? She said no. I asked her if she read the G&T handbook or had any idea about the common traits of G&T children. She said yes. I told her she was lying and she needed a session with a psychologist. I went directly to the new principal’s office and complained. He sided with the teacher. I asked for a meeting for the next day, and all your previous teachers be invited. The next day, dad and I went to school, the principal started to give us the typical white wash to cover up for his teacher. We stopped him immediately and asked your previous teachers if they have ever noticed any problem with your learning. Mrs Ward said you were like a sponge, you would soak up any information thrown at you and ask for more. Your math, history, English, science and social science teachers, current or past years, said you were a learning machine. One of them said “Are you kidding? I go home every evening to study so that I can answer his questions intelligently.” But the principal was still trying to protect his teacher. We quit. We told him that he needed to send his teacher to a psychologist and walked out. Your dad went to his office and I came home. I called Mr Goode, who was now a Superintendent at a different School Board. He was real sorry about what happened at his previous school and gave me the name and the number of the Vice Superintendent at our School Board and told me to call her. the HEB School Board deputy superintendent. She was a woman. I explained the situation and when I told her that you said “Mom, she is killing my imagination!” she started to cry. She apologised for having such a teacher in her system and the principal was obviously not doing his job properly. She said to leave it to her. The next day you came home with another envelope addressed to us. In it there was a letter from the principal apologising us for the treatment and that he was honoured to have you in his school. The next morning, this time you were carrying another letter from me to your principal. In it, I wrote that we accepted his apology, however a greater insult was done to you in your homeroom, in front of the whole class by your homeroom teacher and you should be apologised in your homeroom, in front of the whole class, by your homeroom teacher and that I expected this to be done without any delay. When you came home that afternoon, you told us that your teacher apologised you in front of the whole class. We always had your back, my love. That teacher’s contract was never renewed.

At the end of each year, there would be a ceremony where students were given awards for their succcesses. I will never forget one year.. All parents came donned with cameras and bouquets of flowers, waiting for their child to receive his or her award. Each student was called to the stage to receive the award, the parents would record the moment and everybody would cheer. The most successful student received three awards. When your name was called, you climbed up the steps to the stage, received your award, rolled it and stuck it in your pocket, climbed down the stage. They called you up again. Again you climbed up the steps, received your award, rolled it and stuck it in your pocket. This continued six times! Everyone was clapping like crazy but you acted as if this was a normal thing. You didn’t acted up or anything. As far as you were concerned this was your job and you did what you were supposed to do, therefore there was no need for song and dance.

We met another Turkish-American family and became friends. Senel and Necdet Yildirimer. They had a son your age, Onurcan and you two became fast friends, enjoying each other’s company, playing either at our house or theirs. Although you lived in different towns, went to different schools, this friendship, like your friendship with David Thompson, never had a break. When Onurcan decided to get married to Mallory, you were going to be his best man.. You couldn’t, because we moved back to Turkey and you were very sad about it.  You always cared about each other, always there to support each other. When we were moving back to Turkey, you gave your prized possession, the huge television, to Onurcan.

We travelled all over United States. Dad and I never took a vacation leaving you two behind. Always together. We skied almost all of the mountains. We were making memories for the time we would be no more, we didn’t know that we were making those memories for us. We would go by car and sing songs all the way. Gosh, I don’t remember how many beer bottles on the shelf we counted for.. Or the song about the frog that fell of the roof which would continue until we all became tired and hoarse?  Or play I spy games non stop which you enjoyed very much. We would try to teach you guys some Turkish songs. Do you remember, the song “if you traveled Anatolia, you would find out that it is beautiful”? Barlas would sing the song and you would do the chorus part?

You were a creature of habit. You didn’t like changing your environment, your comfort zone. When you graduated from elementary school, Dad and I started to think about selling our Bedford home and buy a bigger and better home in the trendy Southlake area. We found a house that we liked. But you were adamant about not moving. You said you liked our house, you liked your friends who were going to the same middle school and high school later on, and you didn’t want to give up your friends. So, we canceled our plans of moving, stayed in Bedford until you graduated from high school and went to Texas A&M University in College Station.

You went to Hurst Junior High then to Trinity High School where you were selected to study in IB program. At Hurst Junior High you played football and also started playing saxophone. When you were younger I sent you for piano lessons at the junior college, but you didn’t like it. You liked playing saxophone and we bought you one for your own. At high school, you continued to be in G&T but you were also selected for the International Baccalaureate program. Out of 62 selected, only 19 were able to graduate and you were one of them. You were in school band playing saxophone. Playing during the football games was difficult since you were also playing football. You didn’t take place in marching band, you were in classical music orchestra that gave concerts. I was always very excited at your concerts. I would only see you and listen to only your music.  At football games I was scared that your bones would be broken. In highschool, your mentor was Ms Carolyn Allen, the Arts teacher. Under her guidance, you created wonderful pictures. She was a wonderful woman, artist. You loved her. She allowed you use her own studio anytime you wanted, encouraged you. Then she decided to organise an arts exhibit. I thought there would be only drawings and paintings would be exhibited. However there was also some sculptures. One of your sculptures was so big that it wouldn’t fit in the school kiln. Ms Allen hauled it Dallas, used a commercial kiln so you would have your sculpture exhibited. You have also made a cast of your face, made a sculpture of your face, put broken cast pieces around the platform, and placed a blue mask I front of your face sculpture. The title of the statue was “The cast is broken, but I am still behind the mask..”  Your art was much appreciated by all the critics. I’ve kept all of them except that huge statue.  I’ve heard Ms Allen talking to someone, I think he was an academician. She said “all others are paintings… But Bora is the real artist. He is very creative and I have no idea what he is creating until the last stage, last stroke of the brush… Only Bora knows what he is doing until the painting is finished.”

Where we lived there was no public transportation and if you lived within two miles of the school, you wouldn’t benefit from the school bus system. Anyway, every child would look forward to turning 16 to get their drivers license and their own car. You took drivers education classes when you were 15, got your license when you turned 16, but were in no hurry to get a car. You said it was not important for you and you would rather walk to school. Sometimes I used to drive you to school. When you were a junior, we bought you your first car, a Toyota Corolla, almost brand new and you drove it almost until you graduated from the college. It was always full of arts supplies, math supplies, junk, clothes, etc… You never cared about tidiness or what would others think if other people saw the stage your car was in. There were more important things in life, you used to say. Sometimes you would give in to our  pressure and clean it up only to get it to the previous stage in a few days.

We all attended your graduation with great excitement, but as always you took it so lightly, found it unimportant. As far as you were concerned you did what you were supposed to do so what was all that song and dance about? Barlas put us through the rings during his teenage years, doing what teenagers do. But you have never ever gave us any trouble.

Although you scored very high at top 1% at SAT, you wanted to go to Fine Arts. But there were millions of fine arts graduates living hand to mouth and we didn’t have a support system. We thought you should have a profession to keep you on your feet, and even after we were gone you would be fine. You could do your art on your free time. So dad and I convinced you to study Mechanical Engineering. Finally you gave in and applied to Texas A&M University and were accepted to study Mechanical Engineering. This is my biggest regret in life. The hindsight is 20/20. I wish we let you do whatever you wanted.